Musings of a Malfoy in Love
by SS-HPFC
Summary: Draco wasn't quite sure how but he'd fallen in love. DM/AG. For RoseScor90!


**Merry belated Christmas to Rose!**

**Disclaimer: I'm not JK.**

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Draco Malfoy was quietly sitting in his dungeon chambers at Hogwarts, sipping a strong drink of bourbon. He had a fire going and the wireless playing. He wasn't paying attention to the music; he was much too deep in thought. He was a troubled young Potions Professor and very grateful that it was the holidays so that there was significantly less angsty students.

Draco was in constant thought about one young lady; it wouldn't bode well if he taught while constantly distracted.

Draco wasn't sure exactly when it happened, he couldn't pinpoint an exact time but he knew, without a doubt, that he was in love with Astoria Greengrass. Sure, they had been dating for months but only because his mother had set them up. The plan was to date for a year, say it wasn't going to work and then they would both get to move on. It was even _his_ idea.

Only now he wasn't so sure. She had slowly, somehow, wiggled her way into his everyday thoughts without him noticing. And then, she had somehow wiggled her way into all of his free time. And now, now she had somehow wiggled her way into his heart.

Every time he had something to share with someone, he sought her out. Every time he needed advice for anything, he sought her out. Any free time he had; even if it was only an hour, he sought her out.

It wasn't that he was opposed to the idea. Astoria was perfect for him. From the way that she talked and held herself to her laugh and how she looked. Everything just fit with him. She didn't try to ask about his past, she didn't even flinch when she saw his Dark Mark. She simply placed a kiss on it and told him that she's seen one before.

It was that he did not think he was worthy of love. His father had been locked up in Azkaban with his soul taken, most of the family money and property had been seized, he now provided for his mother as she _refused_ to work and his family name had been tarnished. Who would love him now?

No one, that's who. It would be best if he tried to make up for his past mistakes and then let the Malfoy name end with him.

Draco decided that he had had enough of moping around on Christmas Eve; he was going to find Astoria.

Placing his drink above the fireplace, he grabbed some floo powder and floo'd to Astoria's flat.

"Astoria?" He called out into the candle light.

"Draco?" She called back from outside the room.

Draco waited where he was, brushing soot off of his robe and looking around. Astoria came into the room, tying a dressing gown around her waist over her night clothes.

"Draco, what are you doing here?" She asked, ending with a yawn.

"I needed to see you."

"At this hour? It's almost midnight," she pointed out.

She wasn't angry, he could tell, but she wasn't pleased either.

"I don't want to wait."

"Oh, you want to end things a month early?" She asked, hurt colouring her words.

"What? No! No! That's not it."

"Then what is it?"

"I don't want to end things."

"Okay."

"Good," he replied, nodding.

"That's the thing that couldn't wait for a decent hour?"

"Not exactly."

"Draco, tell me what it is right now. You woke me up and I've got to get up early to go see my parents."

"I love you."

Astoria stood, shocked. She wasn't even sure she had heard him right. She moved closer, placed a hand on his cheek and asked him to repeat himself.

"I love you."

"Draco, isn't it too soon?"

"No."

"How do you even know if you love me?"

"I just do."

"_How_?"

"You're always _there; _in my thoughts, my every decision is based on you. Everything is about you and if that isn't love than I don't know what it is. I feel it all the time. This, this _thing_ inside my chest and it's only there because of you. Believe me, I did not plan this. No way. I thought I'd been in love before but I was wrong.

"Have you ever been in love? It's horrible isn't it? It opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defences; you build up a whole suit of armour, so that nothing can hurt you. Then one person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life and changes everything about it."

By the end of his rant Astoria was pleased and yet angry at the same time. She was being told that she was loved by someone whom she loved too but he wasn't pleased by it. If anything he was angry at himself that he was in love with someone. What was that about?

"Draco, do you want to be in love with me?"

"No but I don't get a choice. I _am_ in love with you."

"Although I appreciate the honesty, I don't think that this will work if you don't want to love me."

"Astoria, it's not you. It's me-"

"Don't use that stupid line on me Draco Malfoy!" She yelled.

"It's not a line Astoria! I don't want to be in love with anyone because who could love me?" He bellowed at her.

Astoria opened her mouth to retort and then stopped. She had not expected him to say anything like that; it looked like he hadn't expected to say anything like that either. He was breathing deeply through his nose, his hands clenched at his sides and a scowl on his face.

Astoria moved slowly, walking to him with a slight smile on her face. When she was finally right in front of him she placed a hand on each side of his face and gently kissed his lips.

"I could love you Draco, in fact, I already do," she said simply, kissing him once more.

His breathing returned to normal as his fists unclenched but his scowl only morphed into a look of suspicion.

"I don't believe you," he whispered.

"You should. I definitely love you Draco and I _want_ to love you."

"Why?"

"Why do I love you or why do I want to love you?"

"Both."

"I love you because you're always on my mind too. Because you tell me about even the smallest thing that makes you smile, because you are a brave man. Because you're so dedicated to teaching and being there for anyone who needs you. Because you're trying to set the Slytherin house in a more tolerant way and you're succeeding.

"I want to love you because I know, without a doubt, that if you love me back I'll have all of you. I'll have someone who loves me for who I _am_ rather than who they _think_ I am. I want _you_, Draco Malfoy."

"You could do better."

"Maybe I could but I don't want to."

"Many people won't like the decision; the Malfoy name isn't what it once was."

"Screw those people. We can build the Malfoy name to be even better than it was, and instead of fearing the name people will respect it for who we are not what we can do."

"I'm not made of money anymore."

"I am not interested in money, Draco. I just want to be loved."

"I love you."

"And that is all I ask for."

"You are sure?"

"As sure as I can be; just treat me right, love me and respect me and I'll always be yours."

"I will do that."

"Then we have a deal."

Astoria smiled up at Draco and then planted one last kiss on his lips.

"I need to be up early to visit my parents tomorrow Draco and you said you didn't want to-"

"I'll come."

"You will?"

"Yes. I believe that is part of treating you right."

"I'm not sure about that but it makes me happy."

"I'm sure my mother will be happy too."

"I'm sure she will be; she seemed quite upset you were choosing Hogwarts over her for the holidays."

"Well, she still won't be happy then."

"Why?"

"Because I'm choosing _you_ over Hogwarts not her."

Astoria smiled again and kissed him.

"Take me to bed Draco."

And Draco did just that.


End file.
